Death Has Come

Well, the time has come.  The death bell has rung and has taken several lives this past few days.  One of these lives brings me to a depression stage that I thought I wouldn't be in.  My mother passed away from her cancer diagnosis on October 23rd.  My heart is broken yet rejoices because I know that she is no longer in pain.  

For those of you that know me, my mother and I had been estranged for many years.  I just recently went back to Vegas to get a relationship back with my mother.  Although it was difficult, I thought I was making progress.  I didn't trust my mother for a long time.  It took just a few minutes to realize that sometimes you have to be the bigger person in situations like that and I swallowed my pride.  I went back to Vegas when I found out that my mother has terminal cancer.  I thought that it was a ploy to get me out there and it seemed like that all the way until the last few days before she died.  It just didn't seem real.  I questioned her every move and why she was doing the stuff that she said she was doing.  I didn't understand and I realize that I still don't understand.  My heart is broken.  I have failed as a daughter because I didn't put the trust in my mother like I said I was going to do.  I have failed once again.  I hope that she as well as the Good Lord will be able to forgive me.

I am tired and in need of rest.  I am trying to find my Inner Peace.

~Nina Anne~