Looking at Old Pictures

I have been asked to look at my old pictures to pick some good ones out for the memorial service.  I didn't realize that it would be so difficult but it is.  I am actually finding other things to do besides look at the pictures.  Is that normal?  I don't know.  I reckon that I just don't want to deal with it right now although I know that it needs to get done.  Anyway, I never realized how much pent up energy and anger and crying can be brought up by looking at pictures of a dead relative.  It kinds sux.

Finding my Inner Peace sux at times... I don't think I have found it yet....

~Nina Anne~

Death Has Come

Well, the time has come.  The death bell has rung and has taken several lives this past few days.  One of these lives brings me to a depression stage that I thought I wouldn't be in.  My mother passed away from her cancer diagnosis on October 23rd.  My heart is broken yet rejoices because I know that she is no longer in pain.  

For those of you that know me, my mother and I had been estranged for many years.  I just recently went back to Vegas to get a relationship back with my mother.  Although it was difficult, I thought I was making progress.  I didn't trust my mother for a long time.  It took just a few minutes to realize that sometimes you have to be the bigger person in situations like that and I swallowed my pride.  I went back to Vegas when I found out that my mother has terminal cancer.  I thought that it was a ploy to get me out there and it seemed like that all the way until the last few days before she died.  It just didn't seem real.  I questioned her every move and why she was doing the stuff that she said she was doing.  I didn't understand and I realize that I still don't understand.  My heart is broken.  I have failed as a daughter because I didn't put the trust in my mother like I said I was going to do.  I have failed once again.  I hope that she as well as the Good Lord will be able to forgive me.

I am tired and in need of rest.  I am trying to find my Inner Peace.

~Nina Anne~

Initial Blog

Well, the time is here.  I have this need to blog again.  I used to do this awhile back and I am sure that if you look hard enough on the internet that you will find some of my old works.  But times have changed and I am sure my writings have changed as well.  I am no longer the person needing people to see me... I am me.  If you don't like it... well you know where the door is!  Don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya!  I have this insatiable need to just write.  Sometimes about nothing.  Sometimes about everything.  I could care less if anyone reads it or not.  I am letting out emotions that have been bottled up inside for too long.  I need this PEACE and this is the only way I know how to do that... besides crocheting!  So... if you are easily confused... bored... then this is not for you.  Some days I won't make any sense... but it is my blog and that is how I usually am anyway... confusing!  I'm creating my Inner Peace.

~Nina Anne~